Too fat for a massage: spa visitors heartbreaking ordeal shows how fat shaming can be more social
Grauer, who also detailed her experience in a Facebook post, said employees at King Spa & Sauna Chicago told her that while she could use the pools, saunas and other areas within the large spa, she was too heavy to receive a body scrub treatment, even though she had received the treatment before – and at a higher weight.
As employees explained different reasons for why it might not be safe for her to receive the scrub, Grauer said she saw a man who appeared to weigh more than the 230-pound (104kg) weight limit exit the spa. When she inquired, she was told men did not have the same rule.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Grauer said. “It’s one thing about the weight, but it is another thing to have two sets of rules for men and women.”
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A man who answered the phone at the salon on October 15 who refused to give his full name said management was investigating the incident and declined further comment.
Less than 24 hours after Grauer wrote about her experience on Facebook, her post garnered more than 1,600 likes, was shared more than 600 times and received hundreds of comments, some from women who said they had had similar experiences at the spa.
Experts say this isn’t surprising, given how “fat shaming” seems to be socially acceptable, especially when it comes to women. With “fat shaming, like every other attitude toward the body, women are judged far more,” said Barbara Risman, sociology professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
Grauer said she decided to share her experience because it’s not the first time she’s felt singled out for her size, and it’s not about bringing negative attention to King Spa & Sauna, a place she’s frequented and enjoyed a few times.
She particularly likes the body scrub, which involves employees scrubbing patrons with salt and sometimes oil, and then giving a massage. “When they are done with you, you have skin like a newborn baby,” Grauer said.
After Grauer first entered the salon and paid the initial fee, she went back to the part of the salon where she could schedule the scrub treatment. It was there that an employee kept telling her “no”, Grauer said. She then noticed a sign she hadn’t seen before near the desk, far from the front entrance, which said customers must weigh less than 230 pounds. Grauer, 54, said she’s been working on improving her health in the past year and has lost 60 pounds, but is still above the limit.
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“She tried to tell me the table wasn’t strong enough,” Grauer said. “I said, ‘no, no, I’ve had this done here before.’” A manager then told her it was because the oil would make the service too slippery, but that didn’t explain why weight or gender matters, Grauer said. “He just kept saying we have a problem with heavy women.”
Eventually, after feeling embarrassed in front of other patrons, Grauer got a refund, left the salon and drove home.
“I’ve been working so hard on my self-image and helping myself to get healthy,” she said. “I came here to relax and have a treat, and it’s been ruined.”
Lisa White, 33, of Chicago, saw the Facebook post and recalled a similar experience she had at the salon several years ago.
White brought her mother to the spa to use the common areas. In one part of the spa, patrons are nude. But in the other, they wear provided clothing. White, a size 26 or 28, said she could not fit into the clothing and brought her own, which she had done during a previous visit.
An employee spotted her from across the spa and “screamed at me because I wasn’t wearing the correct outfit”, she said. When White pointed out that the salon could provide larger sizes, the employee “exploded on me”, telling her the spa’s usual clientele is not overweight. “He said, ‘It’s not something we cater to.’”
“I had never had an experience like that where I was so blatantly discriminated against because of my size,” added White, who said she’s struggled with weight since high school.
She said she was embarrassed to talk about the incident until she saw Grauer’s post, in part because: “I don’t think people talk about [weight discrimination] … unless you’ve been a larger person … or you know somebody who’s fat. It’s still somewhat culturally acceptable.”
White said she’s become more comfortable in her size. Yet, “it’s still a shame thing in our culture”.
Risman said while she’s seen improvement in fat shaming, it’s often under the guise of health advice, and it’s still a problem.With social pressure and conversation, Risman said there’s hope for further improvement.
“We’ve seen lots of these kinds of negative norms decrease over time. Women used to get thrown out of restaurants for wearing trousers. It’s a matter of identifying what the problem is and creating a social critique of the problem.”
Social norms change all the time, she said.
“It seems to me fat shaming should be one of those.”
This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as: Spa patron says she was singled out for her size
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